There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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