I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
