well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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