i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
