We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
