Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize