i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
