dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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