also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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