I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
