Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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