i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
