I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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