I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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