I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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