im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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