Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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