id be glad to
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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