Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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