Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
