he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
