That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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