Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize