Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
