Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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