I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
