had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
