U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
