I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize