That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
