I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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