Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
