i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
