I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
