Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
