ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize