break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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