In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
