Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
