seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
