I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
