Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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