Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I woke up under a house in Key West
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
