I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
