WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
