Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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