I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
