I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
