I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
