Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you inspire me to be a worse person
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize