Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
