areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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