take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
These tits shall not be calmed
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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