I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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