I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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