You smell like a Billy Joel song
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
