i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
