peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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