I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
