Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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