I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
