got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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