friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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