im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she woke up with a sticky ear
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
