So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
is wine microwaveable?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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