I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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