She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
