just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
