the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize