Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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