i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
