the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
