I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
