Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
