we're chasing vodka with high fives
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
we're so committed to being not committed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
