I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
