Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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