So drunk its hurt
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
