I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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