Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
