direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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