just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize