you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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