Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
