I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
