Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
